With support of GYE, another 90-day milestone
What has helped me stay clean, b”H, the past 90 days?
Firstly, all the incredible support of GYE and its members. There is no doubt that this is the strongest point.
Also, seeing the fantasy thoughts as the nisayon they are, clarified it as something outside of me and not a reflection of me, as I used to think. Once I identified it for what it was, I could now actually work on overcoming it.
Making it disgusting in my eyes, helped sometimes.
Focusing on one day at a time, trusting Hashem that He helped me up to this point, He will continue to guide me as long as I turn to Him.
Another point that helped a lot was starting to focus on being a giver in any situation. It changed my perspective and gave me fulfilment so that I didn’t need to seek the good feeling in other areas.
A practical tool when an inappropriate thought came was to stubbornly insist on changing the subject, doing whatever necessary to do this. Whether it was an easy one of saying ‘go away’, or to put on music, or to even chant to myself ‘clean, clean…’ until eventually the message penetrated.
When feeling triggered, staying in a room of people keeps me from falling. Just thinking, if they knew what was going on in my head, jolts me back to reality.
Ultimately, the most effective tool is to daven, with the genuine feeling that only He can overcome and to trust Him with the results after doing hishtadlus.