Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Today is my bar mitzvah

by RATM (See all authors)

When RAM (Rage at Machine) first joined us, he posted (partly in jest):

I came upon this site recently. Truth be told, I was googling "porn" when this came up. I was not looking for anything like this. I first browsed this site with a mix of curiosity and contempt. Like many here, I have been battling (and often not battling) for over 15 years. I tried all sorts of ways out and nothing worked. At first browse, I was pretty convinced that this site will not work - certainly not for me.

I see myself as different than others here. I am not at all like "7up" or "Bardichev", God bless them, with their "my tatty in shamayim this" and "my tatty that". I don't mix Hebrew and Yiddish into my sentences, nor will I write poems about my struggles. So I saw this site as a place for flakes. Flakes who cry. I am not a flake, and I don't cry.

But there is something very real here; I sense that now, and I want this to work (and I need your help, you flakes!). I have been both porn and mast**n free for almost a week now, which may be pretty insignificant for most people, but for me is nothing short of a miracle. I cannot fathom 90 days. I can't even imagine 30 now. Instead, I will work on 8 days clean.

Now (about a week later) "Rage At Machine" posted:

Today is my bar mitzvah... 13 days of continued "Rage Against the Machine".... Last night I cried so much, and I cried out to my tatty is shamayim "oh thank you for those 12 clean days, hold me, hug me..." and I wrote a three page poem about my feelings....

No, man, I'm just messin'...

But I am quite happy to be alive though, and I'm pretty thankful for this network and especially to Guard...