Seeping Into My Subconscious

by Yashuv V'Yashuv (See all authors)

I have been listening to the Phone conferences with Duvid Chaim and I'm happy to report that the unimaginable is B"H occurring in my life. I always wondered when I would get control of my thoughts at the times when I'm faced with a lust challenge. First of all, I've come to understand that "get control" is not possible - I should never have such an attitude of arrogance, to think that I can actually be in control. Without Hashem's help there just is no way. However, I have found that the phone conferences and readings from the Big Book have seeped into my subconscious to the extent that my current experience is that at times of lust challenges my focus is immediately on "why I am being drawn to the lust?", "what I am running away from that I'm being driven to lust?". When that's the focus, the likelihood of acting out is B"H much, much less. It also helps me see the real me and the challenges that I'm REALLY facing. The challenge of lust is really not my challenge - it's my solution to my real challenges - it's the way I escape from the challenges I really should be addressing, or at least being made aware of.