Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Recovery Story

By YBS

by GYE Member (See all authors)

I came to GYE website about 10 years ago, because I was looking at porn once a week on my phone. I was learning in yeshivah at the time. I wasn't a huge consumer of porn, but I always felt terrible about it. I think I tried every one of the tools on the site at one point or another. Eventually, I went to school and got my own computer. I put on various filters, tried accountability partners etc. Throughout it all, I was still looking at porn about once a week. So I thought I was a porn addict. Eventually, I started participating in the calls with Dov - and when that didn't work, I went to live SA groups. My first sponsor in the program suggested a therapist, and so I started doing that (and still do). I realized, like everyone else in the 12 step groups, that my problem was spiritual.

Another factor driving me to seek help was my inability to be in a relationship. Through therapy and some other 12 step programs, I came to see that as the primary problem, and porn as more secondary (though related) problem. But the lack of a workable spirituality was the very core of all of my "problems."

Eventually, I realized that I wasn't that much of a porn addict. I realized that SA wasn't really the place for me. I tried some other 12 step programs, but eventually started focusing more on therapy. I'm not part of a 12 step program anymore, but I still love it and really credit it with saving my life. And the GYE website started me down that path.

Thank G-d, I've been doing well recently. I've been in a relationship for a long time, thank G-d, and haven't looked at porn in a long time, thank G-d.

The way I understood the program is that the problem is spiritual, not religious, and hence the solution is spiritual, too. Like most other frum people I met in the program, I became less religious at first, but more spiritual. Now, I feel like I'm growing in my religion again, because I have a lot more mental space to do so due to the spiritual program I had worked.

Your site was extremely helpful and instrumental in changing my life. I'm really grateful for the GYE site!