Wow, I did it! 90 days!
I would first like to thank you guys for your special work. You guys are really saving klal yisroel.
I just wanted to share a couple of ideas that helped me make it this far in my journey. The fist thing I did was take it one day a time. I read this statement from the Klausenberger Rebbe, I think on gye. It said the following "In my youth, I was considered a bright and diligent student. How did I accomplish this? I tricked my yetzer hara. Other children had great plans at the beginning of the school year for the whole year, but in the end, they failed. I said to myself, "I am going to plan just for today - and set the goal for this day only". The Satan, not being interested in a single day, left me alone. The next day, I again just made plans for that day, and so on until the end of the year." - Klausenberger Rebbe.
That is what I tried to do. When I felt an urge I would tell myself not today maybe tomorrow but definitely not today. Slowly days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month. I saw in a book from Rabbi Twersky that in AA people count their sobriety by the day. He told a story of someone who said that another participant was sober longer because she had woken up earlier and was still sober. So that became my model one day at a time.
I also saw a video of Rabbi Alon Anava’s NDE. In it he described the intense embarrassment he felt in front of Hashem and all the neshamos in the world were looking at his whole life seeing everything he ever did. I would constantly remind myself of this. I would ask myself if the pleasure now would be worth the embarrassment later. Walking in the street I would go without glasses as much as possible. It doesn’t help at close distance but it helps a lot. I also tried to be listening to a shiur or chizuk as much as possible whenever I had free time. Lastly but most certainly the most important thing I did was daven. Every day I would ask Hashem to help me overcome my desires. That I only lust for him and my wife. That I should come close to him and stay there my whole life.
These past 90 days were very hard. Now that I am on the other side I feel like a whole new person. I feel better about myself. My self-esteem grew immensely. I will still take it one day at a time and Be”H the next thing I know I will be dancing with all of you in the front lines greeting Mashiach!
Hatzlacha to you all. And thank you again to the head guys here at gye. May Hashem bless you with the endless strength to continue your wonderful work.