Sunday, 22 January 2012

Not "All Alone" Anymore

by All Alone (See all authors)

I have almost daily interaction with Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshiva for various reasons. Last night, I attended a wedding in Cleveland together with around 700 others... Anyway, it was a wedding of two powerhouse Rabbinic families, and I used the opportunity to poll the different Rabbonim at the wedding about internet porn addiction.

When I tell you that every Rov, yes every Rov, had multiple stories, I'm not lying. I begged and pleaded with each Rov to please send their mispallelim to GYE and to support this very chashuv program. I came close to admitting to one particular Rov about myself (I know he has suspicions right now...but that's ok) but I think it's important that we, as a GYE community, at least speak about the issue to Rabbonim we know well, and encourage them to encourage others to join us.

Honestly, I thought I was alone, as my username indicates. I literally thought I was the only ben-Torah who had this addiction. I thought that curbing that addiction was impossible. I thought that Hashem hated me... But because of this forum, because of this ability to share the truth, I'm now completing over a month of cleanliness...

Let me share what I have done:

  • I have internet filters on my laptop (my chavursa has the password)

  • We have a strong internet filter at home (my wife has the password)

  • I have downloaded a filter for my Iphone...

  • I have increased my tefillos to Hkb"H, because I have learned that Hashem really does love us all, no matter how "bad" we've been.

What have I not done:

  • I have not intentionally searched on line for porn.

  • I have stopped looking at trigger web sites, including FoxNews.

  • I have not watched any porn in hotel rooms on my travels.

  • I have not attempted to flirt with any women.

  • I have been good (not great, but pretty good) at not looking at scantily clad women.

All of this I have done - or not done - for the sake of gaining closeness to my Creator and my loving family.

I have learned that this is a marathon and not a sprint... We're in this together, forever.