No longer view my addiction as the enemy
I have been mired in the garbage of my addiction for about 20 years. I have tried to stop tens (maybe hundreds) of times without success. Things started to finally change when I found this site. I do not know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that today I am experiencing real recovery. I had basically given up on the notion of ever experiencing this. My biggest hope was that I would be lucky enough to die during a clean period and that my cleanliness would be accepted as some level of Teshuva. Now I am beginning to see how I can make very slow progress internally which will eventually lead me towards my goals in life. This does not mean that I will ever be finished recovering, just that I no longer view my addiction as the enemy. If anything, it is a catalyst which helps me focus on improving myself at a very basic level. I can even say today that I needed - and still need - my addiction in order to make changes in my life that should be made anyway.