Neither a Rasha nor a Tzadik... "Just a Yid"
Dear Chevra (and especially Guard),
The Rosh Hashana that I just had is incomparable to any other that I had experienced in the past. I still have a very long way to go, but I felt that I have at least an opening in my life with which I can relate to Hashem. It is not that I am anywhere near where I should be, it is the fact that I can honestly assess where I am right now and make a commitment to improve. While acting out with my addiction, I never was able to look honestly at where I was. I felt like a big Rasha mixed up with a Tzaddik. Now I know that I am neither. Rather I am a Yid who is trying to get closer to Hashem. Before, I was not happy with who I was, always thinking that if only I learned/davened better, I wouldn't lust so much. I did not involve G-d too much; I would do this on my own. Now, my life revolves around Hashem. Not much has changed, yet everything has changed. I have not entirely lost my tendency towards lust, but my shemiras ainayim is at a level that I have never kept before. I have not suddenly begun to do everything right, but I can honestly say to Hashem that I am on the path to improvement and that I am fully accepting Him as my Boss. This, for me, was the first time that I was able to mean it when I declared the Malchiyus of Hashem on Rosh Hashana.
Thank you everyone. It is to you that I owe my new lease on life.
I can live my whole life with with these words!! Thank you!!
- Another fortunate yid