Living With This Avodah
B"H, I have made strides toward changing my life for the better. I joined the 90-day chart, but I don't live for it, I live with it. I enjoy updating the chart but I don't think about what day it is every moment of the day.
I also had the password Gabai change the passwords to several email accounts that I was using to communicate with 'friends' whom I realized were actually just fueling my addiction. Great people, but not great for my life. I felt tremendously empowered when I tried to sign into those accounts the following day and I was locked out. I actually threw my hands up in triumph.
For me, it has been great to realize that this ordeal will help my entire relationship with Hashem. I am working on not hoping to be 'done' with this avodah, rather living with this avodah. After all, it is not an avodah of 'sur meirah' as I have looked at it until now, but it is primarily one of 'asei tov' - living more for others and for Hashem. And I have seen the past two weeks improve in several ways, as a result of my developing relationship with the Aibishter.