I'll Fall Tomorrow
A few weeks ago I told myself that "I want out of this" - I just can't handle going through this all the time and I need to get help. Ironically, just saying that to myself, i.e. giving up in my own mind, helped me out a lot, as I felt relieved. Almost for the first time in so long, I was being honest to someone - which ended up being myself. For the past two weeks I have been doing a lot of reading with the handbooks, forum threads, 90 day charts etc... And I honestly feel better just by being able to associate with people who understand and who have gone through similar challenges. I am trying to take things one day at a time, but I am desperately seeking advice on how to proceed slowly but diligently. I am still afraid that any day now I may fall.
Your post was a pleasure to read. Please consider taking it slow and taking it easy. We probably cannot even afford to give those natural worries about falling in the future the time of day. In fact, I'd be just fine living another 50 years with the daily guarantee that "I'll fall tomorrow"... as long as it's always today, I'd have nothing to be afraid of! And I'm serious. As far as I am concerned, it's only about living right today, and it's Hashem's business to make tomorrow work out just fine. (At least for Him that makes sense, cuz for Him it's already tomorrow! :-)