Tuesday, 04 July 2017

How did I make it to 90 days?

by GYE Member (See all authors)

First and foremost the first step in the right direction for me was clarity. Clarity, sincerity, and honesty with myself. The breaking point of rock bottom. The looking in the mirror with shame, disgust, yet daring to search for my soul and beg for it to fight.

Even that wasn't enough, after all, I wasn't in control. I was still busy living as my body. But the true desire to move beyond the lies no matter how deep in the quicksand was the still the 1st step. Step 2 was admitting my headstrong way of fighting my addictions wasn't enough. My rabbi introduced me to GYE, from then I started allowing advice permeate and help me. I read the GYE handbook which is a fantastic tool, signing up for the 90-day chart was monumental as well. The daily chizuk emails and the app nofap were important tools as well. A filtering tool is crucial, I used netspark which is good.

Most importantly I admitted to Hashem I needed his help. My soul needed to and still needs every day to be cleansed. But I admitted the truth as Chabakuk said, "The righteous live by their faith." The only way out was with faith. The only true way out in our times of struggle is with Hashem's help and allowance of our free will to be assisted. So I turned to Hashem and asked that he help me in my fight. I still can't explain how I reached 90 days since discovering porn and puberty well over a decade ago. In my fog of despair, I never thought I'd reach this far. All I know is it only happened because Hashem blessed me with his assistance. May we all find and stand with truth and be helped by Hashem to cleanse our souls one moment and day at a time. Another important thing to add is the 90-day chart is great for something to strive for. That being said we must remember to fight in the moment when we are attacked. If we find ourselves losing, we must have the strength and courage to press pause to our internal war, get out of our head and beg Hashem for help. May we all be healed and may we all heal this world from this horrible disease with Hashem's help.