Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Hashem's Hand Holding Me

by 1daat (See all authors)

I remember once when I was a child I had a very close relationship with Hashem. Then over the years I only checked in once in a while. By my twenties I knew He was here, but I wasn't about to be another "true believer". I needed proof. So I told Him, "I'm not going to believe in ANYthing. If you're for real, show me." Looking back I can see so many ways He showed me and I missed them all.

Then I became a lust freak. And I ended up in jail, failed marriages, and alienated from my daughter. So I slowly started doing T'shuvah. But still marathon masturbating sessions, and porn. Then, purely by accident (read hashgacha pratis) I found this site. I just did 120 days clean B"H. But what's important here, is that my skepticism was finally laid to rest through this clean streak. With the help of the guys here on the site, and the very real experience of Hashem's hand holding me safe, I have the real, palpable, experience, in a most personal way, of His presence and reality. Not all the time, of course, but proof that I can no more deny than the fact that I'm typing to you.