Hashem is Helping Me
B"H, I just updated my chart to a streak of 33 days. I honestly can't believe it. Since my addiction started, I never got past two weeks - and here I am at 33 days and b'chasdei Hashem going strong. Obviously, there have been a number of bumps and tests along the way and I am no where near my destination; yet, I could not have more hakaros hatov to HKB"H for helping me get this far.
There were times during this first month in which I was positive it was over, but HaShem sent little messages to keep me pushing. Two examples which I immediately recall:
1) One late night after a long stressful day, my urges were at their highest. I was about to fall until I heard my son let out a loud shriek from his crib. Once I heard him yell, I paused to think how can I chas veshalom give in when I have so much to be thankful for. I quickly ran to his room to check on him, and by the time I got there he was fine, sound asleep. I realized what a huge tovah Hashem was doing by allowing me to catch myself.
2) One afternoon while home alone, I found myself in a similar heated moment when my blackberry buzzed with an email from none other than Guard. I paused for a little (even chuckled at Hashem's humor) and caught myself before it was too late. (Thanks Guard!)
There is no question - I would not have gotten past 3 days without siyata dishmaya and I daven that it continues for myself, the amazing individuals associated with this site, and for all of klal yisrael.
All the best,