Monday, 31 July 2017

GYE Saved My Marriage

By Avi

by GYE Member (See all authors)

Dear GYE,

4 and a half years ago my wife "caught" me looking at pornography by randomly checking our browser history. I was happily married at the time with a son, and a daughter on the way but I had simply slipped easily back into by adolescent ways, easy as that. The breakdown in trust in our marriage was devastating.

We immediately met with a Rav I was close with and I told him absolutely everything. Crying. Coming clean. Liberation. A start...

My wife signed us up to filtered internet and linked me up with GYE daily emails, which I read religiously daily! This has been the lifeline. The daily reminders, the support I get from seeing others work through their issues, all help as reminders of the dark days. And that's all that looking at or watching pornography gave me - darkness and despair. It nearly ripped my marriage to shreds.

Slowly but surely my davening and learning got back on track, and my browsing and gazing eased up.

One important lesson I have learned from GYE is that the internet is only one arena. The street today is also a massive challenge. A train ride, a stopover at the bakery, simply shopping for groceries - all can present huge challenges if there are un-tzanua ladies roaming about. A second glance and the mind starts to wonder... BOOM I have to torpedo the thoughts straight away. Tehilim. A short prayer. Thinking about a halacha or parsha vord I have just heard - these are some of the weapons in my arsenal. And I need to constantly be re-arming myself for the ongoing struggle. We are human and the sexual drive will never disappear.

I was in Yeshiva for 7 years (!) and not once did any of my Rabbeim raise the topic of shmirat einayim. I guess the assumption that young boys who are davening and learning are "vaccinated". But the yetzer hara has many avenues, and this topic has to be discussed vigilantly, especially in the internet and smartphone generation .

All I can say is thank you GYE! May Hashem give you all strength to keep up the fight!