From History to... History in the Making
I was masturbating before I knew there was anything wrong with it.
Going back 20 years, I was exposed to Porn in mags and by phone (who here remembers those business cards and fake dollar bills that the Amaleknik Porn-Pushers Yemach Shemam Vezichram used to scatter all over the place?!?!?!), CompuServ forums, AOL, and later Internet. Where did I not feed my habit???
The older I got, the more technology developed, and the easier it got to get your fix without leaving the comfort of your own home.
The neuron patterns became so ingrained in my mind, that even when I grasped the severity of what was going on - I was trapped by my own mind, because I started with this garbage before I was even a ben-bechira... (i.e. way before bar mitzvah).
I was history, even though I managed to suppress my urges for long periods of time and not act out on them, and my exterior life exuded success in Ruchniyus. My brain was fried because of the constant milchemes HaYetzer which I was waging... And I would fall again and again and feel crushed... It didn't matter if I hadn't seen P*** or act out (i.e. M****) even for long periods; every woman was a walking trigger... I WAS HISTORY...
And then I found GYE, and I'm part of HISTORY in the making!!!!
IT'S THE BEGINNING, NOT THE END!!!