One of my issues is being quite unable to process highly emotional events. It triggers my anxiety in an exaggerated fashion. I am, BH, being slowly weaned off my medications and am, bli ayin hora, doing very well. This emotional challenge is a residual issue which will hopefully straighten out as the refua continues. As an aside, I credit GYE, including all of the forum chevra, for my getting better. GYE gave me the opportunity to share, or better said, brech (that's Yiddish for vomit) my story and experience a release I sorely needed. It also made me realize how normal I am, not the rasha/loser I believed I was. It then empowered me to take control of the sexual issues by providing a support team, advice, chizuk, etc. In short, a system that works!
Two days ago, I witnessed a highly emotional event. It completely derailed me. The tension grew, and I desperately wanted to masturbate (curse the day when I learned that stress relieving method). But - it was as if there was a cement barrier in my brain with a sign on it: " You are never doing that again!" As crazy as I was, as desperate for relief that I felt, I would not take "the easy way out." It was simply not an available option.
I suffered for about two hours until I could calm myself down. Being very late at night, I did not have the option to do strenuous exercise; the adrenaline rush would keep me awake for hours. Yes, it was demoralizing to have that overwhelming urge to masturbate; however, it was a breath of fresh air to have that control to not even "just touch a few times and see what happens." I also was able to avoid conjuring up lustful thoughts to start "the process." Of course, I know I am not guaranteed for the future and need s'yatta d'shmaya for more challenging situations. However, I think we turned the corner. As we agreed, I say two kapitlech every day for all of us and hope all of us along with everyone else out there have only continued growth and hatzlocha.