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A Padding Between Myself & Frustration

GYE Corp. Thursday, 19 January 2012

I did the 5th step call with Duvid Chaim yesterday, one on one.

Step 4 was to make a fearless moral inventory of our resentments, fears, and misconduct.

Step 5 is to share this inventory on a 3-way call (yourself, your sponsor, and Hashem).

I expected that the call would be some sort of psychoanalysis session.

It was far from it. Simple, but not easy. I gained a whole new perspective on life. As long as I keep the right set of glasses on, the RID will be non-existent.

It was very inspirational. But, I was afraid this was just another intellectual exercise. Just like all the self-help books and mussar sefarim I have read in the past. Nice ideas, but nothing really changes.

Right after the call, my wife asked me to help put one of the children to bed. I literally felt like I was wearing some sort of safety suit. Like some sort of padding was between myself and frustration.

Later on, I got a call from my mother. A difficult topic came up, which in the past has often gone sour. This time, I felt entirely different. I put on a "new set of glasses". A whole bunch of new options, different options, BETTER options, opened up before me that I had never seen before! The conversation ended up very positive.

Later on, my baby was crying and my wife was out. I went to rock his crib. Suddenly, one of my fears (on the fear worksheet) popped up. I thought "THERE'S NO NEED FOR THIS FEAR! I can live life one moment at a time, without the resentments from the past, and without the fears of the future." I felt an amazing sense of serenity.

NOW, another one of my fears is that, in person, I'm not very comfortable talking to people. I felt another change from these calls. My first reaction was TO CALL UP some real people, other fellows from DC's group, and share my experience with them!