Thursday, 15 December 2011

Yechezkel's Story

Part 1/5 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

by David, Yechezkel (See all authors)

Yechezkel posted his powerful & inspiring story on the forum:

I think it's incredible that this website exists; what it must be doing in shamayim is amazing...

What I am about to tell you today is something that I have been longing to do for a long while. I wanted to catalogue my feelings and thoughts about a matter that has been directly effecting my life for well over the last decade. Immediately after this year's Rosh Hashanah 2010, I did something that I have been meaning to do for many years. I freed myself from the shackles of the Internet. When I say 'freed' I mean to say that I got to grips with my heart and soul and installed Covenant Eyes (www.webchaver.com) on my computers with all the added filters, etc.

I have B"H been clean from before the Yomim Nora'im. I wanted to wait at least two months before I knew that I had somewhat overcome my previous lifestyle before writing my story. I believe now that I can honestly say I have.

Ok, a little about who I am. My name is Yechezkel, I am 33 years old. I live in Jerusalem - Israel where I have a family of 6 Bli Ayin Hara. I run a successful business from my office in Ramat Gan. I am from England originally and have been living here for the last 9 years.

I come from an extremely frum family - all my siblings, besides my brother with whom which I share the business with here, are either in Kollel or klei kodesh. I was brought up and educated to the highest standards of both yiddishkeit and frumkeit. I was lucky to have been partnered with the most wonderful wife, and as her family lived in Israel we decided to settle here too.

The internet emerged on the worldwide scene during my teens and developed at a fast pace during my early married life. Whilst maintaining a settled program of learning before Shachris and in the evening, as well as earning a trade during the day - I was the typical frum ba'al haboss, living a relatively comfortable lifestyle, bringing up my children and infusing in them the rich heritage that both I and my wife received from our parents. My advice was regularly sought on a wide range of communal matters. I had become an askan in my circles and my stature in the community was one of respect. I was proud of my family and looked on with deep pride when my parents and in-laws visited us. I knew they were proud of me and at what I had achieved.

But this image I had constructed was all but a screen - a façade of who I really was and what my inner being and soul really looked like. In truth, I was well and truly addicted to the internet and all its terrible associated family. Yes, I was able to put on a front as a normal frum man when it came to life away from my computer screen. Yes, I was able to preach to my children and portray an example of how a frum Jew should behave, yes, I was able to learn the Daf day in day out, but behind all this, a lustful and dark man lived. It was a clear case of split personality. Once I was under the spell of my computer and the internet, I transformed into an animal - yes an animal, I am ashamed to say. I will not delve into what I got up to and what I spent time watching on the internet, but suffice to say I was addicted to it and it ruled my life, my heart, my brain and most of all my soul.

GYE Corp.