Sunday, 19 February 2012

This time I won

by Anonymous (See all authors)

I would like to recount a story that happened to me a year ago on Rosh Chodesh Elul. I was in a very low mood with bad thoughts in my head. I was on my way to Israel for the Chaggim. I had to take a stopover. The first plane I was on got delayed for a few hours and I missed my connecting flight. The airline put me up in the Hilton hotel for the night. In the room was a clear lucid wide-screen TV. I started looking through the options on the TV and found what I wanted. Until then I had not seen real movies like that, but only pictures and bad sites. I was literally one click away from these pleasures. I thought to myself "here I've got a opportunity laid on a silver platter, without no one in the world knowing". About to press the button, I felt that I had reached the hardest nisayon in my life. Suddenly I took hold of myself and decided I was not going to give in. I showered, and while doing so I was mechazek myself. After the shower, I was lying on the amazingly comfortable bed and suddenly the desires came back with tenfold force. A powerful battle was going on, "yes, no, yes, no". Suddenly a voice inside me says, "I am sorry yetzer hara, but this time I won". It was the yetzer hatav speaking. The next morning I got up and had to hurry, as I was put on a early morning flight. I felt like I was in the seventh heaven. Suddenly I felt above all the physical desires surrounding me. I had to daven shacharis by the gate. It was the first day of Elul, and although I did not have a shofar with me, I had had my own wake up call. The euphoria lasted through Sukkos time.