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The Crux of Recovery

"Eye.nonymous" (who at the time was clean for over 140 days) had a medical emergency with one of his kids and his wife had to spend a few days in the hospital. He writes:

GYE Corp. Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Here I've been all week trying to take care of the children, preparing meals for them, dressing and cleaning them, washing dishes, doing the laundry, trying to keep the house from getting too messy to live in, shopping, and other assorted chores. And I'm doing it all alone. It really takes a lot out of a person. I was thinking how difficult it is to do this all alone.

THEN, after a whole week, it finally dawned on me: THIS IS HOW MY WIFE USUALLY IS. I thought of myself and my addiction. Not so much the acting out, but the root of it--self centeredness and escapism. Avoiding responsibility. Hiding from life's challenges instead of facing them. Waking up whenever I manage to get out of bed and go to daven, pop in for breakfast, run off to morning seder, pop in for lunch and then go "work" on the computer [not looking at p** for the last few months B"H, but definitely wasting a lot of time], then run off to afternoon seder, come home for dinner and then go "work" some more.

True, I do help some. But I never realized before how thoroughly selfish I have actually been acting.

So, with all this, my wife is usually taking care of all these things, pretty much ALONE!

It's an awful lot to expect from one person.

In the past, we've had similar situations. I did more to help out for a while and realized "hey, why don't I do this even when we're not suffering a medical emergency?" This lasted for maybe a week, and then I was back to usual.

I hope this time is different. It's not how much or how little I do that's the problem. It's my outlook. Am I trying to escape life's challenges, or am I trying to TRULY be helpful?


Dov Responds to this beautiful post:

Dear Reb Eye,

Thanks again for a beautiful post. What you described in this real-life share hits home for me totally. It's the crux of recovery for me, no question. And as long as I remain sober, I find myself staying on the path you describe and it seems there is just no way to stop growing! Thanks again!

Refuah Sheleima and hatzlacha with your improving life together!