Such a joy and closeness
Someone wrote in to us recently:
I daven each morning with a minyan and then go to learn for an hour with a Chavrusah. Usually the davening and learning feels kind of dry, and often I do just because I feel I have to, and I want to get it over with already so I can start my day. This morning, I was bringing my son to school, and a woman that was always a "turn on" for me in the past, was bringing her kid to school as well. She walked over to where I was standing and was telling her kid to say hello to my son, and was trying to be friendly. All types of fantasies started to flood my head, but I resolved to be strong. I smiled politely and averted my eyes from looking at her until she finished her little game with the kids and walked away. As I was fighting with myself not to look at her, I felt a bitter taste. It was very hard. And I walked away feeling somewhat of a void inside me. But then the strangest thing happened. I went to daven right afterwards, and I never felt such a joy and closeness to Hashem like I did that davening. The whole davening, I really felt I wanted to give over my heart to Hashem. And the learning that followed the davening too, was full of strength and happiness. I couldn't believe how fast that hour went by!