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Story of a Spouse Helped by Miriam

the.guard Wednesday, 01 May 2013

I have been a regular caller on the GYE phone conference for the past six months.
Without hesitation I can state that had my husband and I not found GYE, and fully committed ourselves to embracing and diligently working the GYE/SANON program, we would not be currently in recovery, and enjoying the many rewards of re-connecting to HaShem and the healing process of a 12 step program.

Initially I too was very hesitant about participating in the calls through" sharing."
I am an extremely private, and guarded person, and the whole "sharing" aspect of the calls made me uncomfortable.
I remember thinking that I had very masterfully, and successfully, managed to keep my husband's addiction to lust, a secret from the rest of the world for all 38 years of our marriage, why risk exposure by "sharing" at this point? What if someone recognized me?! That would be a bell I couldn't un-ring.

I figured that there had to be another way.
In a more rational moment, I reminded myself that I had earnestly attempted for 15 years to fix my husband's addiction through conventional, secular psycho-therapy, but failed.
While the sessions were very enlightening, and through the process I learned that my husband's addiction was actually a disease, and one that only my husband could cure, it did not lead to recovery because my husband was completely adamant about not getting treatment locally, for fear of exposure in his professional community.
I understood his feelings, and he was justified...but I also knew that if he wasn't going to get help with his addiction, that we would be doomed to continue living with his disease until it eventually eat away our entire marriage.
I had reached the point where I felt hopeless. I had run out of solutions.
I knew I couldn't cure or fix the man that I love with all of my heart.
I prayed for HaShem to help my husband and I.

Depressed and despaired, I continued to call and just listen in on the GYE conference calls, until one evening when the moderator, Miriam, said
"Ladies, the program works, if you just let go and let G-d - not sharing isn't working for you, why hang on to something that's not working?! If you work it - the program works."
At the very moment Miriam stopped speaking, something clicked in my head - an alarm of sorts? maybe...or just maybe a shamayim spark? - but I shared for the first time. B'H!
I felt frightened and exposed, but somehow between tears I managed to squeak out an assumed name, and told the group how I felt lost, alone, and isolated.
While I may have felt embarrassed and ashamed, as though I had just been stripped naked in Times Square, my big reveal was met with warm compassion and encouragement from the moderator, who also encouraged me to share more with the group, which I did...tears, fears, and all!

I currently share and participate in 2-3 GYE phone conferences a week, and act as an interim support to those calls for women seeking chuzik between the conferences, with the hope now that I can help other women heal.
Additionally I work the tools of the program twice a week, privately with Miriam, as my coach, my sponsor, and my dear friend.
I have no doubt that I would have continued my mental and emotional free fall over my husband's addiction, had the GYE conference calls and Miriam not been available for me, to provide a safe and healthy place to fall. B'H!

For anyone interested, GYE conference calls moderated by Miriam are currently available on Mondays at 2pm EST, and at 9pm EST. There is also an additional conference on Thursday evenings at 9pm EST. The call in number is 209-255-1000 - access code - 732368.

I encourage everyone struggling with a spouse with a sexual addiction to join us so we can heal together.
No real names are required, no judgements ever, no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed, just compassion, love, and sisters, searching for hope and healing.

Hagit Hoffman

Clear Focus Coaching