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Same temptation, different result

obormottel Thursday, 19 November 2015

A little victory tonight.

I was alone in the kitchen when I noticed a magazine (of women's under garments) had arrived and was sitting on the counter.

I immediately had a flashback to a few years ago. I was tutoring a non-religious kid in his home, and one day I was alone in the kitchen waiting for him or something, and I saw a similar magazine/catalog on the table. I couldn't resist and I flipped through it and soiled my mind. I still have the images occasionally emerge from the black file cabinet in the back of my mind.

At any rate, the urge to look this time was there as well, albeit a bit more subtle due to prolonged abstinence from lust.

But I knew I had a split second to turn off the thought or it might take over me and control me like so many times in the past.

Thank G-d, I slammed the lid on the rising curiosity and fantasy. And grabbed the mag and threw it in the trash and went on with whatever I wasn't doing.

Not to toot my horn, it was just a bit comforting to realize that the well-trodden pathways in my brain that lead down to dark caves in the forest are slowly but surely growing over with greenery and vegetation as no feet have walked them in a while, and I'm very thankful for that and for whatever healing G-d has given me and will give me.

I hope to stay true to Him.