Rav Shlachter's Approach In-Action
Uri writes to someone who had fallen into addictive behaviors that included live relationships:
Hi, my name is Uri.
We're coming from the same place, my friend.
And you should know that the addiction to porn, masturbation, or sex are all very much from the same place.
It is a need for love. A need for security.
But sadly, these things will never give us either one.
In fact, the one relationship that I thought would finally grant me security - is now my biggest source of insecurity.
The key is to find security within one's self.
This website can do great things for you.
It's a place of trust.
We all know exactly what you're feeling and where you are coming from, 'cuz we're there - or have been there - ourselves.
Stick with us buddy, and we'll lift you up back into life
A little background about myself:
I grew up in a very modern home.
Was out with girls a lot.
Lost my virginity at age 15.
Had sex on a very constant basis.
At age 17, I started to become very religious at a rapid pace.
Soon I found myself in maybe the most prestigious American yeshiva in Israel.
Things were going steady for a while.
But sooner than I knew, I was back in bed.
And it returned to the way it was when I was not religious.
I mean, here I am, one of the yeshiva's biggest masmidim, the apple of my Rebbe's eye, my neighborhood's success story, the person my siblings looked up to... and in bed with a strange girl!
I had lost control of myself.
I contemplated suicide.
I stood on the roof of my yeshiva building and looked down.
But, as you can see, I did not kill myself.
In fact, my life is now better than it was even before I had sex.
The point is not just to stop having sex and masturbating and watching porn.
The point is to use this addiction to bring us to a whole new life.
Yes, this is something that's very hard to understand when you are in the heat of the addiction.
But you'll have to take my word (and countless others) on this.
There is a beautiful life awaiting you, if only you change your whole approach to life.
It might take a bit of therapy, but it's worth it.
At first we don't want to get rid of our addiction, because right now life outside the addiction seems blah!
We think, "Ok. So I won't be having sex. But I'll be miserable as hell".
But there is another option.
I'm telling you: it exists!
I strongly suggest an addiction therapist / 12-step groups.
You need to undergo a serious change for this to work.
It's the only way.
All the best
Another post by Uri:
I woke up in a bad mood.
I've been sick, which I never handled well.
My Shabbos was terrible.
On Motzei Shabbos, my father attempted to rip me apart.
I woke up and was like, "Ok. I need a boost. I'll act out."
I took a shower and just stood there thinking.
OK. Rav Shlachter said I can act out for now whenever I want.
But honestly, if I act out now, I'll be upset and feel sensitive to everything.
This will put me in "survival mode".
Survival mode sucks!!!!
Life is awesome!
Only after we leave "survival mode" do we really start to realize how much we lived in it before - and how much it sucked.
If I act out, I'll get a boost for a minute.
But then I'll spend the rest of the morning "surviving" instead of "living".
So I can do it, but I choose life.
Off to another day at work, chevre.
Love to all,
Now THAT is what I call Rav Shlachter's Approach IN-ACTION!