Must or Want?
Today, I woke up with that horrible feeling inside me, urging me to "act out". I went to shachris, and the feeling grew stronger and stronger. I didn't know what to do. Then it occurred to me, "what will happen of I do not watch porn and 'act out'?" "Nothing!"
But what will happen if I ignore the urge to go to the bathroom or the urge to eat? It could lead to serious health issues and even death. So I said to this feeling, "you can't urge me to watch porn, because only those things that I need to do to maintain my health have the right to urge me. You can come back to me as a "want", you can tell me I want to watch porn, but not as an urge that "I HAVE to watch porn."
I don't understand why, but I found this thought to be really liberating, and it helped right away, and the urge evaporated almost completely!
Thank G-D, I'm still going strong!