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Lowering Our Expectations

Can someone who watched porn in the past and is getting married now, be helped to lower their expectations?

the.guard Wednesday, 17 March 2021
Part 2/5 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

The Torah says about the Eitz Hadaas: וַתֵּרֶא הָאִשָּׁה כִּי טוֹב הָעֵץ לְמַאֲכָל - And the woman "saw" that the tree was good to eat. וְכִי תַאֲוָה-הוּא לָעֵינַיִם - "And it was desirable to the "eyes. וַתִּקַּח מִפִּרְיוֹ וַתֹּאכַל - And she took from its fruit and ate.

Today, the Eitz Hadaas is in the center of the garden, it’s everywhere we turn, beckoning to us… But the real test boils down to this: Do we trust that Hashem is caring for all our needs and knows what is best for us, or do we try to take care of our needs ourselves and partake of the forbidden fruit?

Hashem tested us similarly in the desert when He was providing Maan for us miraculously every day, yet we still complained and said: זָכַ֙רְנוּ֙ אֶת־הַדָּגָ֔ה אֲשֶׁר־נֹאכַ֥ל בְּמִצְרַ֖יִם חִנָּ֑ם - We remember the fish that we ate in Egypt for free.

The Yetzer Hara offers us free pleasures, but Hashem knows what’s best for us. And if He tells us to stay away from it and rely on Him to care for our needs, He obviously has our best interest in mind.

If a doctor tells someone he’s overweight and at great risk if he doesn’t start eating healthier, obviously it will take work for him to do that, but he knows that the doctor only has his best interest in mind. So surely if Hashem asks us to let go of lust, He knows what’s best for us. Not only that, but the more tempting the desires are, the more we can be sure that Hashem has something even much better in store for us! So the more we feel desire, the happier we can be to let it go because if Hashem has something even better than that in store for me - wow!

So keeping all this in mind, we can learn to let go of expectations. Hashem provides us with our needs. He gave us a wife; she is our Gan Eden, she is our Maan from Shamayim. But there’s always the forbidden fruit out there, there’s always the FREE pleasures of Mitzrayim that beckon… This is our life’s test. When we find ourselves having expectations from our wives, it means we are concerned with taking care of what we perceive as our needs, as opposed to trusting that Hashem knows what our needs really are and is taking full care of us!

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