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Lost My Wife

Helping people "hit bottom while still on top" is one of GYE's goals. Below is a story posted on our forum, that highlight the result of these destructive behaviors. Let's not wait until the addiction causes irreversible damage to our lives!

GYE Corp. Monday, 19 December 2011

Hello to all the heroes on this forum! I call all of you heroes - because it takes a lot of courage to admit of sexuality addiction! Well, at least in my case.

Unfortunately, it took a separation from my wife to come to realize this! I was so lost - and had no clue what I was into! I did crazy things - and I demanded from my wife unimaginable things! All of which today, I can't believe I ever did!

B"H I am now over 10 weeks sober, have started working the 12 steps - and keeping my eyes in control to the best of my ability. Every time I see something that would normally arouse me - I pray to G-d to take these thoughts out of my head and that I should only think of my wife.

Unfortunately, my wife is fully decided that she wants a divorce - and doesn't want to hear of anything.

I pray that Hashem accepts my full Teshuva and will give me a second chance with my wife whom I still love dearly, and with my 3 adorable babies (ages 4, 3, and 2).

I know that I am far from fixed (for if I was, there will be no more need for me in this world and I would move on to the next) - but I am changed!!! I am not the same person I was 5 months ago! I do not look at women the way I used to - I do not talk to them the way I used to etc. (a lot of my work and my university is around women and the internet).

I have gotten rid of all my 'contacts' that were for the wrong reasons, I got rid of all the sites etc. that I used to visit. Now I strictly deal with women on a business level - no relationships what so ever!!!

I started reading books like - 'Facing the Shadow', 'Garden of Peace' and a few other similar titles....

Other changes in my life include - but not limited to: 4-5 hours of prayer a day, a minimum of 2 live shiurim a week, daily online shiurim, daily learning whenever riding public transportation or in public waiting areas (in order to guard my eyes from wandering where they are not supposed to). And when an attraction passes by - I work very hard to stay focused on my iPhone or book that I am reading. When walking in the street, I make sure to stay focused on my destination and not look around to much. If something catches my eye, I pray to G-d and tell the evil inclination to find himself another scapegoat and not me...

I pray to Hashem that He open up my wife's heart to give me another chance - to give our kids another chance, to give herself another chance and to give our family another chance. I hope she doesn't make the dramatic mistake of divorce where she might suffer in other ways from another man, or whatever hardships she may face in the future - whereas she now has a chance to get back to her husband who loves her, cares for her and cherishes her; a husband who realized his grave mistakes and will work VERY hard on fixing them and correcting the past. With G-d's help and with all our prayers accumulated, I will get back together with my wife and get a chance to treat her the way a woman should be treated!