Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Live according to Hashem's will

Part 1/2 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

by Jewishsexuality.com (See all authors)

I want to share with you a beautiful story of recovery that someone posted on www.jewishsexuality.com. The story contains tips and ideas that can help us all in this struggle, but what I found the nicest about it, is the simple no-nonsense outlook that the writer has, accepting the fact that Hashem put us in this situation for a reason, and that with hard work -and over time- we can fully break free.

Along a similar vein (to this outlook), someone recently shared with us a beautiful Shiur that offers some really important perspective and YESODOS in dealing with these struggles (many of the ideas are from the Steipler). I hope to send some Chizuk e-mails in the future about the main points of the Shiur, but whoever would like to listen to it can download it from here - very highly recommended!

 

I am a religious orthodox person who has grown up with a religious (frum) education and social circle but tragically fell victim to internet pornography at about 16 years of age.

Two years of yeshiva followed by further education, and until recently I really struggled with internet pornography.

I am a very sensitive and spiritual person. I also have many good qualities and have seen many wonderful opportunities and employment taken away from me - as a consequence of low self esteem and low confidence that has resulted from pornography. It has been so severe the I have twice become depressed and suffered great mental anguish and pain.

However, in hindsight, these are some of the moments that now give me the greatest STRENGTH and DETERMINATION to remain clean.

I always felt that I had inner power of strength and determination, but truth be told I did not understand what such qualities (and blessings) really were... until now.

For many years, the temptations of internet pornography were too strong to resist on a weekly if not daily basis. I often think about the quantity and quality of time that could have been better spent, in addition to the waste of holy seed. I always made an effort to correct my ways, but grew complacent.

However, through light meditation and heartfelt prayer on a regular basis, I was able to slowly but surely intensify both personal power and my decision making ability to recover from this problem. The pornography had become a habit that possessed me for many years, day and night, but I knew that G-d, Hashem (Bless His Name) wanted me (like He does every one of his people) to correct my misdeeds and recover from this temporary sickness.

Internet pornography may be difficult to resist, but my personal story and reflection PROVES that any person CAN and MUST gain confidence in him or herself and increase oneself in EMUNAH (belief) through light meditation and prayer.

Baruch Hashem I am now able to honestly and with dignity say that I feel ready, strong, healthy (emotionally and mentally) and close to Hakadosh Barach Hu to pray for and - PLEASE G-D - be blessed with a suitable women to marry under the chupah.

May Hakadosh Barach Hu bless you and grant you success and energy in your endeavors and effort in acheiving a Teshuva Shleimah.