"Haba Litaher Misayin Lo" - Miracles Do Happen
RATM found us about 3 weeks ago and wrote as follows:
I was googling "p*rn" when this site came up. I was not looking for anything like this. I first browsed this site with a mix of curiosity and contempt. Like many here, I have been battling (and often not battling at all) for over 15 years. I tried all sorts of ways out and nothing worked. At first browse, I was pretty convinced that this site will not work - certainly not for me. But after browsing the forum a bit, I saw that there is something very real here. I want this to work...
Anyway, RATM is now almost 3 weeks clean - for the first time in 15 years. Yesterday though, he was about to give up when Hashem popped in to say "hello". Let's hear what he writes:
Pretty crazy, I tell ya. Pretty gosh darn tootin crazy... Last night, I came back from work late, and for the first time since I started this journey, my body felt the way people describe withdrawal... nervous, tense, tingly... I finally felt it physically affect me and I started to think that maybe this 90 days aint really gonna happen after all... I went to the fridge and had a tall boy but it didn't help... I needed some physical activity, and the ground outside was wet so I couldn't go skating... I thought of hitting my building's gym but decided to be productive instead, so, since I'm moving apartments in a few weeks, I thought I'll pack all my sefarim into boxes... And as I'm doing this I'm thinking, "oh well, 18 days wasn't so bad, I didn't think I'll even get 8 days, or even 8 hours!".
Suddenly I hit a book called Starting Over by Sima D. Schloss from Judaica press... The book was about taking the 12 Steps of AA and applying it through the Torah... "What the H*, man? First of all, how on earth did that book end up in my library?"
I began going through the book and let's just say I'm happy to be up to day 19 again... It was a step by step guide on how to control bad habits using the 12 steps in a Torah way... It even had an endorsement from Rabbi Twersky!.. I dunno if I'll join a live 12 Step meeting, but I think I'm closer now to understanding what this all about. I am going to try to go through the entire book and figure out all 12 steps...
Everything has an explanation, but to me, a miracle does not cease being one just because it can be explained... If a giant tsunami hit the sea of reeds and split it when the Jews were leaving Egypt, it does not negate that a miracle happened. The miracle was that the Jews, with the Egyptians riding their tails, needed a giant tsunami to hit at that exact moment!
This morning I remembered buying that book for my wife three years ago when we had a fight. (I had thought she was too controlling so I went out and got it). So that's how it ended up in my library... but that it ended up in my hands last night... that was a miracle.... And ya know, it's a little startling to see G-d jump me like that and say, "hellooo, here I am, you moron". Quite frankly, I'm surprised he still even gave a darn... So, thank you, G-d.
Truth be told, and this is the honest truth: G-d stepped in - in a major way to give me day 19, but it's all of y'alls (with G-d's help, of course) that gave me day 1-18... So thanks all of y'alls, too! I know it's still way early, but I'm still grateful for even this little accomplishment.