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Called & Let Go!

GYE Corp. Monday, 26 December 2011

Walking home from work, I came behind a frum woman who was dressed in way which really triggers me. I will admit that while walking fast to overtake her, I 'drank in' the sight and lusted away. It lasted about 20 seconds, but while the opportunity was still there to catch more looks, I followed Dov's advice. I called my partner to admit my powerlessness and how lust makes my life unmanageable (I made sure the woman didn't hear me). I had to unload it really, not just to myself. B"H it really helped me move past it.

When I got home, I was able to send my wife for a rest and really enjoy playing with my kids - real pleasure, not fake pleasure. If someone had told me that I would be able to enjoy real life so soon after lusting without acting out on it, I would never have believed them! In the past, once I've opened up the can of shmutz, I couldn't move past it till I acted out first. B"H, I think this is the first major time I really moved past it, thanks to Hashem, GYE and my partner.

I realize this is only for today, it doesn't mean anything for the future, I wasn't koineh any madreigoh, it was just beautiful to be able to experience and I want more!

Then I experienced Hashgacha U'pratis later that evening. I stam called my partner and just then, at the exact same time that he answered, a frum woman dressed almost the same way walked by - and I was already on the phone with my partner so I could ignore her! Amazing!