Sunday, 10 June 2012

Aimlessness

by Kanesher (See all authors)

Shalom Rabbosia- tough day today. My son was sick the entire night and I stayed up with him for most of the night. I woke up late and felt that aimlessness – my wife dropped him off at Gan and ran off to work – and just felt aimless. What now? I can’t be late to learning – but I can’t keep my eyes open.

Normally, my response would have been to escape my aimlessness by acting out – a way of being able to say that I was helpless, and hence escape the decision.

Instead, I said that I am an adult. And I will make a decision. I will go to sleep until 10:30, then I will go to Yeshiva. But what will I tell my chavrusa? aimlessness. Doubt… I will tell him I was up with my son and couldn’t open my eyes.

Hmmmm. Not so aimless anymore. Ok, I can do that.

I slept until 10:30. Felt better. Went to Yeshiva. Told my chavrusa what happened. I learned well until lunch and went to sleep again. The end.

I feel like there’s some major lesson here for me. Often I act-out out of not knowing what to do next, or feeling that whatever I will do – it will be meaningless – or ineffective. Hmmmm.

GYE Corp.