Mazal Tov! "Letakein" is a Kalla!
Her nickname comes from the famous saying, "As long as the candle still burns, 'efshar Letakein' - one can still fix"
In honor of her joyful announcement, we uploaded a beautiful niggun called "The candle still burns" - a perfect song for her story, and particularly for the Aseres Yimei Teshuvah! (Right click the link and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the song).
About 45 days ago, Letakein joined the women's forum. She wrote:
This is about the millionth time I'm trying to be clean but my first time as a member of this site. I discovered the site 3 days ago and I'm really hopeful about improving!
I can't believe I'm here,
been struggling for years,
Kept thinking I was bad,
wish this website I had.
You guys are all so kind,
Much Hatzlacha I hope to find!
"Letakein" fit right in to the "family" on the forum, and she quickly came to call the other girls there ("Habib613" and "Trying") sisters, and 7Up - "Mom"... Her upbeat attitude and sincere determination has been an inspiration to us all, ever since she joined.
A few weeks ago she wrote to me that she is going out with a very special boy and wanted to know if I feel that she needs to bring up her (past?) addiction with him. I felt unqualified to answer this weighty question, and I sent a query to Rabbi Avraham Twerski - with whom we often consult for guidance on our website.
Rabbi Twerski answered as follows:
There is an adage, "You're only as sick as your secrets." Revealing information that may ruin a shidduch is understandably very difficult, but keeping it secret creates a constant anxiety and a barrier to mutual trust and sincere communication. Marriages have enough problems without adding secrets.
In the case of alcohol or drug addiction, we generally tell people to avoid even getting into a relationship before one year of solid recovery and with the approval of one's sponsor. One month sobriety is hardly a beginning.
There are many variables. How long was the addiction? Does the person still have urges?
Whenever one decides to tell, one should say, "I must tell you something about myself, but it is with "Bal Tomar." You must promise not to tell it to anyone else.
The full story appears on this page. Read for yourself the amazing way that the events unfolded!
Here is "Letakein's" poem for today's announcement that she's a Kalla:
I have so much to share with you,
I don't know where to start.
I guess I'll just start typing,
it will come right from my heart.
A few short weeks and days ago
I won't say just how long,
I started going out
and things started going strong.
So I had this huge dilemma,
"should I tell him, should I never?"
So I asked our heilige guard
to help me in my endeavor.
He emailed Rabbi Twerski
who said I had to tell,
and let me tell you, chevre,
I was not sleeping very well.
I was shaking like a leaf,
and that's for real - just ask my "sisters".
I had a serious case
of the shakes and of the shivers.
But Guard just reassured me
that everything was grand,
and Hashem would help me through this
with His loving guiding hand.
(even though I know Guard's heart thumped too - it sounded like a band!)
So I went to tell this boy and to my joy and great delight,
he really helped me out and now my heart feels like in flight.
We went to see a therapist
who's words just made me smile.
I was nervous before I went,
but it was really worth our while.
The boy is now my chosson,
and I'm a kallah now.
Hashem is so amazing,
all I can say is WOW!!!!!!!!!
MAZEL TOV EVERYBODY!
Rabbi Twerski was so impressed with how it all turned out, that he wrote me:
I think this is a significant triumph. I would like to use this story as an example to show people how being truthful and not concealing secrets can succeed.