Scared of Eternal Suffering?
Starting from around fifth grade, I masturbated daily for about 6 and a half years. Baruch Hashem, in 11th grade I finally stopped. That was 2 years ago, and since then I have been struggling with porn. Baruch Hashem, I have seen significant improvement, and in the past 7 months I have only fell twice in that regard.
Dear Scared Witless,
The Tzadikim have already addressed this Zohar that implies there is no Teshuvah for this, and offered numerous answers and explanations. It’s not our topic, but the point is, you can definitely do teshuva even for this, and it does not contradict the Zohar in the slightest bit! The 84 fasts and all these other suggestions were for previous generations, not for our generation at all.
Teshuvah was created even before the world was created, and Hashem knew that we would stumble in these areas. Hashem has infinite patience and He understands us far better than we understand ourselves. Chazal say that Hashem even brought David Hamelech to stumble with Bas Sheva, only to show us the incredible power of Teshuvah.
Also, it is brought down in the Holy books that, through a sincere Teshuvah, all the souls that we created through our sins actually become uplifted, and they change from being “accusing angels” to “defending angels” instead.
By learning the proper perspective on this struggle and by taking the steps we can to break free, we are doing exactly what Hashem intended for us to do all along. That is our Teshuvah.
Take this iron-clad rule: If you do what you think Hashem wants, and you really mean it sincerely, you will never be harmed. The Pasuk says: “In all your ways you shall know Hashem, and he will straighten out your path for you”. Chaza"l say: “Hashem did not give Torah to angels,” and they also say: “Hakadosh Baruch Hu does not come and try harassing his creations [giving them tasks that are too hard].”
Also, keep in mind that the past is out of our hands. All Hashem asks of us is the NOW. If we learned from our falls and take real steps to prevent them in the future and work on our recovery NOW, we are doing real Teshuva and making Hashem happy. And you are doing fantastic in this area!
So keep up the good work!