Yocheved writes:
I'm just down and not managing. And my husband’s also out of it.
More than the "no sex" I find niddah hard because you can't express yourself properly and things feel very remote and distant.
GYE Responds:
Niddah was given to us by Hashem to help us grow up. Try to see it as a gift from Hashem, to help us mature and develop our relationship OUTSIDE of the context of sexuality.
Try to express yourself properly and be emotionally present for each other, in spite of the physical barrier.
This is a wonderful exercise in building your marriage and taking it to a NEW level.
Then when you can be together again, the togetherness will be even more REAL and meaningful than before.
Meanwhile, spend some quality time with your husband and watch this 2 hour video talk about the difference between men and women. It will keep you both laughing throughout! You can divide up watching it into 2 parts (the first part is 1.12 minutes). Right click on the link and choose "Save Target/Link as". Enjoy!!
Yocheved Responds:
Thank you so much! we really need things like this, and it's hard getting out with the kids/work.
But this gift has long exceeded the realms of normal niddah times....
Also, you can't express yourself according to Halacha in an affectionate manner.
How do you mean "expressing myself properly".
I'm tired of hearing "how much I mean to him, etc"
GYE Responds:
The Pasuk says "Ul'davka bo - and you shall cling to Hashem". Chaza"l ask, "How can one cling to Hashem? He is a all-consuming fire! But what the Pasuk means is, cling to His Middos. Just as He is merciful and kind, so should you be merciful and kind."
We see from this that real closeness (d'veikus) is defined by a spiritual sharing of desires and goals, and NOT by physical closeness, which is impossible with Hashem.
So if you and your husband use this time apart to build up REAL closeness by sharing the same goals, and doing for one another, etc. there is no affection greater than this.
The physical closeness is just cream on the cake. But the emotional closeness is the cake itself.
Yocheved Responds:
Wow, I really appreciate this answer. I'm very "textual" so this is something that is really great to think about and apply.
It's kind of making me excited now that I'm a niddah :) so much to do, so little time ... (LOL, now I sound bipolar!)
Thanks! :)