Wednesday, 17 March 2021

Lowering Our Expectations

Part 4/5 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)
Can someone who watched porn in the past and is getting married now, be helped to lower their expectations?

by Yaakov from GYE (See all authors)

Chapter 5 in Mishlei is a chapter I believe every GYE member should memorize. Shlomo Hamelech warns us of the futility of lust:

כִּ֤י נֹ֣פֶת תִּ֖טֹּפְנָה שִׂפְתֵ֣י זָרָ֑ה וְחָלָ֖ק מִשֶּׁ֣מֶן חִכָּֽהּ - For the lips of a strange woman drip honey, and her palate is smoother than oil

וְֽאַחֲרִיתָהּ מָרָ֣ה כַֽלַּעֲנָ֑ה חַדָּ֗ה כְּחֶ֣רֶב פִּיּֽוֹת - But her end is as bitter as wormwood, as sharp as a two-edged sword

רַגְלֶיהָ יֹרְד֣וֹת מָ֑וֶת שְׁ֜א֗וֹל צְעָדֶ֥יהָ יִתְמֹֽכוּ - Her feet descend to death; her steps come near the grave

Instead he exhorts us:

שְׁתֵה־מַ֥יִם מִבּוֹרֶ֑ךָ וְ֜נֹזְלִ֗ים מִתּ֥וֹךְ בְּאֵרֶֽךָ - Drink water from your own cistern and running water from your own spring

יָפ֣וּצוּ מַעְיְנֹתֶ֣יךָ ח֑וּצָה בָּ֜רְחֹב֗וֹת פַּלְגֵי־מָֽיִם - May your springs spread out rivulets of water in the squares

יִֽהְיוּ־לְךָ֥ לְבַדֶּ֑ךָ וְאֵ֖ין לְזָרִ֣ים אִתָּֽךְ - You alone shall have them, and strangers shall have nothing with you

יְהִֽי־מְקוֹרְךָ֥ בָר֑וּךְ וּ֜שְׂמַ֗ח מֵאֵ֥שֶׁת נְעוּרֶֽךָ - Your fountain shall be blessed, and you shall rejoice with the wife of your youth

אַיֶּ֥לֶת אֲהָבִ֗ים וְֽיַעֲלַ֫ת־חֵ֥ן דַּ֖דֶּיהָ יְרַוֻּ֣ךָ בְכָל־עֵ֑ת בְּ֜אַהֲבָתָ֗הּ תִּשְׁגֶּ֥ה תָמִֽיד - a lovely hind and a graceful mountain goat, her breasts will satisfy you at all times; you shall always be intoxicated with her love

Our sages say that this last Pasuk is also referring to the holy Torah. When we immerse ourselves into it, we merit to feel its tremendous beauty and all our needs feel satisfied with no need to drink from “broken cisterns”.