I hope you can help me out. I’ve been clean for about 40 days now, and when I’m in Yeshiva, it’s hard but nothing crazy. The problem is, whenever I leave Yeshiva, I get destroyed. I try not to look at girls but whenever a girl is around my mind is only on her. I get this crushing, depressing feeling inside me, like I need her. Are you able to help me out with this?
Crushed and Needy
Wow, 40 days is amazing. Keep up the good work!
I know exactly how you feel. Especially in the Bochur years, the fantasy of girls can often feel overwhelming. This is not an easy struggle, but this is the fertile soil that GIBORIM grow from. The word Gever in Lashon Hakodesh means ‘man’, and it also means ‘strength.’ By learning to guard our eyes and turn our desires to Hashem, Who is the source of all good, love, and beauty, we actualize our true potential. But if we give in, we see that we are just chasing shadows; there's really nothing there - it's a bunch of hot air. Do you ever ask yourself, “If the Goyim have it all, why don’t they look happy?” It's all an illusion. Hashem does want us to get married and direct these desires in a healthy way, but at the end of the day, it's all a game. Females are flesh and blood, they are humans with needs and problems just like us. But the lie can feel overpowering if we look. However, if we learn to turn away and not let ourselves look, then we are avoiding the boxing ring with a powerful opponent, and he will never be able to overcome us. It's all about avoiding temptations in the first place. Because once we see it, it's 100 times harder to convince ourselves that it's all hot air.
By the way, have you read our handbook? I think the 30 attitude principles in the back can help you a lot.