Comparing is Deadly
Someone who had a fall and was depressed wrote to Elya:
Some people on GYE have been in recovery for years and yet they still say 'I'm weak'. This gets me depressed. If they're weak, what chance do I have? I expect someone in recovery for years to say "I'm strong" not "I'm weak".
None of us want to start over again. We want the world and everyone in it to treat us kindly, say the right things every time, and meet our demands and deadlines. It's all about us; ME, ME, ME, ME.
Depression is anger turned inward. You seem angry at people who say they are weak. Yet, you're beating yourself up and they're still sober, weak or strong. Don't judge your recovery comparing yourself to other people. Comparing is deadly. They are not you. They didn't have the same upbringing, history, wife, children, education, etc. Stand up for yourself and don't listen to what everyone else has to say.
The only way out of depression, aside from Prozac, is action. Instead of wallowing in your own misery, do something fun for yourself that's HEALTHY! When was the last time you and your wife went out to a shiur or to dinner together?