Wednesday, 06 September 2017

Behavior during marriage

by GYE (See all authors)

Dear Crossroads,

Excellent question. It seems that overall you are working on yourself and doing well, but you are still struggling with occasional falls.

You should know that there is almost never such a thing as an "overcharged libido" by nature. Rather, our sages tell us: "There is a small limb in a man, the more it is fed, the more hungry it is. And the more we starve it, the more satiated it feels". Often people feed their desires with their wives and through masturbation (a little more than necessary), and this causes a stronger libido, which they think is just how they were born. But when we learn to say "no" to the desire and cut down, we find it gets easier to control overall. Anyone who works on themselves can achieve complete abstinence by working on their thoughts, actions, and environment, as you expressed beautifully.

We have many tools and suggestions on our website, but for your particular case, I think the TaPHSiC method would help you stop the masturbation completely.

  • Read about the TaPHSiC method here.
  • Listen to a 40-minute shiur that explains the TaPHSiC method in detail here.
  • Use this NUSACH when making the vow, to avoid any pitfalls.
Try it, and if it doesn't work for you in a few months, get back to me and we'll explore some other tools and options on our website.