The Library

One guy wrote about his fall: I had a great few days, but I was feeling weak today. I just convinced myself that I needed one quick peek and then I lost control. I need to install K9 on my computer. No more half measures. How can I get someone else to hold the password fo...

Someone sent in a question: I have a question for you. I'm trying to stop lusting for people in the streets, etc. but do I also have to give up the lust that I have towards my wife? (Note: although Boruch's answer below is a bit long, it is well worth your while to caref...

"HumanBeing" asks on the forum Where is the source of this 90 day "neural pathway change" thing? It seems that even after 90 Days, so many people still have falls.   "Ano-nymous" Replies: There is certainly no magic pill, but I can tell you from experience that even thoug...

"YishuvHadaas" asks I've seen various mentions on GYE about the difference between lust and love. One person mentioned that lust is Hashem's tool for encouraging marriage, but after marriage, lust should be relegated to the side and be replaced by true love. After 2 1/2 d...

Gabe writes for the first time on the forum: Hi everyone, This is my introductory post to the forum and beginning of my 90 day journey to sobriety and freedom from this terrible aveirah which has controlled me for far too long. I first stumbled upon this site just two day...

"RATM" responds: It seems to me that our addiction is what caused us to maintain a second life, not GYE... GYE is there to address our addiction so, yes, GYE is part of that second life, but the way I see it, you can either have this whole other second life that does not ...

Someone writes on the forum: My name is Yechiel and I just can't believe it has come to this. I pashut can not believe that I have not been able to break this addiction. I quit smoking, I quit poor eating habits, I am extremely successful in everything that I have done or...

Someone asked on the forum: Is there a scientific link between acting-out and Shalom Bayis? DovInIsrael responds: I don't know about scientific, but I have found that Rabbi Arush's book, The Garden of Peace, is absolutely right when he says that the wife is the spiritual...

I've read the first step and admitted powerlessness. But I am finding that this is dangerous for me. Once I start falling I just give up and say, "well anyway I'm powerless"! GYE Replies: This is a common misunderstanding in what the word "powerlessness" means. Powerless...

"JewInProgress" wrote the following to a Marbitz Torah who was beginning recovery in a 12-Step program and wanted to share his addiction with his wife: When we start working the 12 steps, it's like restarting life. We start to understand that our addiction didn't affect ...

When Yosef Hatzadik was about to be Nichshal with the wife of Potifar, it was the image of his father's face that woke him up and stopped him. The Gemara talks about those who would make a Shevua to stop themselves from doing something wrong. We all know the famous story ...

"Gesher Tzar Me'od" asks: How is acceptance of lust addiction as a disease not a "cop out" for a responsible person not to take responsibility for his actions? I realize that there is a difference between a one time aveira and a constant behavior pattern, but that still d...

Ever since joined GYE I've had this argument with others on the forum: "Do the number of days clean really matter?" I don't know how to fully express this, but please believe me when I say I REALLY know what I am saying. It's so hard for me to fully develop this into a co...

Why do the 12-Steps claim so assuredly that Hashem will cure us if we let Him? Some people are sick with cancer and don't get cured... David ("Rage") responds: I have come to the following conclusion: We can never understand why Hashem sometimes cures the cancer patient a...

Someone asks on the forum: I've often thought about the aveiros I've done, and I've never really properly turned round to HKB"H and said sorry properly because it sounds so meaningless due to the number of times I've fallen and said sorry, only to fall again. But this ti...

A member wrote on the forum: I fell twice again today, I really can see that I can't afford to take that 1st lust hit, because once I open it up, I'm powerless, I have to put the break on before that point. But what if my partner is unavailable? I haven't quite got the k...

"FightingYid" writes on our forum for the first time: My struggles with lust have plagued me since my 15th birthday. Since then, it's "all day every day". Now I'm never of fan of asking questions on Hashem, but I truly don't understand why he did this to me. I was given a...

Someone posted: BS'D I haven't posted much over the past months. After I made that one time fall after 21 days on the 90 day chart, I felt like a nobody. I kept falling and things got progressively worse over time R"L. Then I started reading the AA-book and now I really...