Another frum educator suggests:
It occurs to me that halachic sex education is very hard to come by. I constantly hear of people learning chumra and thinking it's halacha. So many people (frum and married) have questions with regards to their own sexual fulfilment and no one whom they can ask. There's not a straight talking book anywhere on the market. Hardly a shiur available.
If people are unsatisfied sexually and have no address to turn to or are too embarrassed, they'll find their pleasures anonymously.
I bet if you carried out a survey with regards to what is ossur or Mutar you will find more "I don't knows" and chumras than anything else.
Yes, klal Israel has always been tzanua on these inyanim. But perhaps that tsnius has become a luxury in today's world of total access. Perhaps we need to be more vocal and aggressive about making sure our communities are educated properly on these topics. Our couples need to be educated and our parents need to be armed to protect and educate their children, our singles.
We have fought every war with education. Is this one any different?
RYW Responds:
She is raising an important point. Frum boys and girls are raised to think that their private parts are bad, and intimacy is bad. It makes it difficult for young married couples to switch have a healthy and nourishing sexual relationship.
We have to teach that the bris is the most holy part of the body, the portal to pnimuis. Intimacy is the most kadosh thing, akin in the words of Ramban in Igeres Hakodesh to dveikus to the shechina. One draws down hashpaa from the highest level of Daas when one has intimacy (that's why its called Vayeida)
Because it is so holy, klippos and the yetzer hara attack it the most aggressively
The sfas emes says that the makom of the bris is the source of Desire-Love and the mekor of Ahavas hashem!
GYE Responds:
Excellent points. This issues comes up all the time in our work on guardyoureyes.com.
R' Simcha Feuerman, President of NEFESH (mental health) did a series of talks on this topic called "The Chosson Shiurim you wish you had but never got" that gives a lot of refreshing clarity in this important area.
He also wrote a great article called "The Dangers of Misguided Piety" - worth reading!
Regarding giving children the right attitudes on sexuality and their body, we wrote booklets for teen boys and teen girls in Hebrew and we are presently having them translated to English.
We also just created a booklet for young boys now, approx ages 11-13, which gives them just enough information to help them keep safe and pure, but not a drop of "extra" information which could be detrimental. Again, it's in Hebrew now but will be translated shortly to English. We believe this booklet will make big waves in the frum world. Rav Aharon Feldman is currently reviewing it and will hopefully write a haskama for it shortly.