Conduct in Public Places
Since I have subscribed, I tried to fight against my Yetzer HaRa, and it had been a brutal war. Baruch HaShem, my cellphone is "calm." But the problem is the women in the streets. I cannot think of anything good, and sometimes, I don't feel G-d around me. If there was any way to help me...
Thank you for helping me in this struggle. Blessings of HaShem upon you.
here are some suggestions from GYE members about conduct on the streets:
"The answer lies in what I learned from GYE: If you go out into the street expecting to somehow avoid gazing at forbidden things, you have lost the battle before you start. You have to train yourself in your own home to keep your focus within 4 amos of where you are walking so that you do not bump into anyone/thing.
"But this is not enough especially in the summer and in NY. You have to constantly be learning mussar. Each morning before davening for 10 minutes. Try choosing mussar that speaks to you. Use what you learn that day and focus on it while you walk in the street.
"Another idea is to study the 6 Constant Mitzvos:
"This was Rav Noach Weinberg's biggest tool - to learn the 6 mitzvos and to think about them when you are not learning/working. This is a double advantage:
1. Because these are constant mitzvos, you are stacking huge piles of mitzvos that are often ignored at a time that you would be just walking to work/shul/etc..
2. When you are thinking about the 6 mitzvos your mind is preoccupied with spirituality and the yezter hora has much less of a chance of getting your attention and even if he manages for a second you will be able to look away much quicker.
"Listening to a dynamic speaker on an mp3 while walking in the street can have the same effect.
"Another important point that I learned from GYE is that there is a difference between seeing and gazing. We, unfortunately, do not live in a vacuum and we will usually see some sights that are inappropriate. The test is what you do when you have seen something. The yetzer tell you "you have failed and you might as well continue looking as you will burn in hell for this anyway". This is one of the biggest tools of the yetzer and it is total "SHEKER"!!. You have not done anything wrong by just seeing something. Of course, we must avoid as best as we can the busy pritzus areas but if we work on Broadway ... we are likely to come across some "sights". It is the next step that is crucial!!! After seeing that "sight" you need to look away and then you have done nothing wrong. Seeing versus gazing! This is the key to begin a clean path of shemirs einayim.
Once you get used to looking away and keeping your mind occupied with Torah thoughts you will automatically move up to the next level which is avoiding the "sights" as best as you can because as we all know even glimpsing something for a split second can arouse a passion and this image is embedded in your mind and will resurface at the worst moments like when you close your eyes to say Shema or Shemonei Esre.
"Thanks a million to GYE and let's not forget that each victory in shemiras einayim reaps huge rewards in Shomayim especially in today's free society.
"My strategy has actually proved very helpful for me - I hope this can be helpful for him, too:
"I don't like thinking of the "restrictions" and "punishments." That just gets me down. Instead, I've turned it into a game. The pasuk says "Yeshuas Hashem Ke'heref ayin." (God's salvation comes in the blink of an eye). Homiletically, it means that God creates salvation when you're careful with your eyes.
"So every time I see an immodest sight heading towards me, I reflexively think of that pasuk and the things I need, shut my eyes or look away for a few seconds (that's all you need!), and whisper a prayer.
"I've found it makes it a much more positive experience (you feel like a million bucks - after all you just made at least that right then and there ;-)
"It also makes your emunah stronger. So you win on the shemiras einayim issue, as well as on the emunah issue in one swoop!
Hope this helps!"