Take the dumpster out of your house
I would like to bring an important message today from Elya K (moderator of the free 12-Step phone conferences) that he posted on the forum:
I was recently at a conference, and one of the groups was having a discussion about internet filters and someone brought up the point that there is a huge difference between simply being "sober" or being in real "recovery" from lust.
When we are living a spiritual life, when we are not worried about the future and we have come to terms with our past... we live in the present moment, take one day at a time. When we are living like this... in serenity... there is little chance we will act out... no matter if we have a filter or not. (Webmaster Comment: Obviously though, until we really get there, a filter is essential).
So this is the end goal. The filter cannot be the end goal. Recovery is the end goal. And that means working a program of perfecting our Middos so we don't hold resentments, anger, fear, etc. We trust Hashem that whatever he has dealt us, moneywise, healthwise, Shidduch wise, is meant to be.
We get rid of our resentments and fears by examining them for our part in them. We make amends to people we have hurt and help others recover.
The tools are all here on the forum and on the GuardYourEyes site. The tools are in your communities at SA & SLAA meetings. There were 595 goyim at this conference and 20 Jews from all spectrums. Chassidim, Misnagdim, all walking around with their Yarmulkes making a Kiddush Hashem. We had a minyan on Shabbos with a sefer Torah, all arranged by the conference.
If they can do that publicly, you can go to a meeting. If they can LEAD meetings and get up and speak in front of hundreds of people as a proud yid, you can too.
It all depends on whether you REALLY want to get better or you're happy living on the cliff of the slippery slope, where the Yetzer Harah continues to convince you that it's OK to just peek just as long as you don't go all the way.
"Ano-nymous" comments on Elya's message with an intelligent parable. (Ano-nymous is a Bochur who is already clean for approximately two months and is well on his way to the "Wall of Hashem's Honor"!)
WOW Elya, this is powerful stuff. I can't agree more with the message. When you have a dumpster full of garbage in your house and you don't want to smell it, you don't cover up the dumpster with a towel and you don't spray a deodorant and leave it that way. If you really want the smell to go away, you need to take the dumpster out of your house. While you move the dumpster, it is wise to cover the dumpster and spray deodorant to stem the tide and make it smell a little better. But the goal is obviously to take out the garbage, because if you don't, as soon as the towel falls off or the deodorant wears off, it stinks again. Consider the filter the towel or deodorant. It is a great help, but if you don't fix YOURSELF the problem will arise as soon as you have an opportunity without the filter. This is the attitude all of us really need to have to truly succeed. Good luck to everyone (myself included)!