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It can't beat me

By Yiddishe Mommy

obormottel Wednesday, 02 August 2017

I'm out of breath,
my chest aches,
my legs hurt,
as if it breaks,
I'm running the race,
not to win the cup,
but to reach recovery,
before addiction catches up...

I'm juggling the balls,
that life threw my way,
can't afford to lose focus,
and let some slip away,
I'm a mother, a friend,
a daughter, and a wife,
all while just exploring
how to live a balanced life.

I'm exhausted,
deep down in my core,
every bone in me,
shouts stop, no more!
but there is no going back,
to those ignorant blissful days,
of living in escape,
hazy brain always,
awareness can't be reversed,
or life lessons unlearned,
with every step I take,
the path back is burnt,
I cannot endure the old way,
with my knowledge of today,

so I place,
one foot in front of the other,
just doing the motions,
not thinking 'why bother',
and I start to believe,
and feel it deep in me,
that one day it will be easy,
one day I will be free,
and until then,
my goal is not to win,
but to keep going,
and never give in,
for I can't beat addiction,
with my human energy,
but as long as I keep going,
addiction can't beat me...