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I Thought You Disappeared

the.guard Thursday, 06 June 2013

I thought you disappeared

You monster called addiction

I let myself believe that I’ll be safe.

I thought I could enjoy

The gift called sobriety

And my trust won’t be broken yet again.

And then

Like a bullet rammed into my heart

My bubble was shot

And my complacency, serenity, and security

Oozed right out onto the floor

And trickled away.

Why do you have such power over me

You black monster?

If I could

I’d strangle you, squeeze all the air out of you

Hit you

Step on you

Crush you.

How dare you ruin my life again?

How dare you take away what I deserve?

How dare you rob me of my innocence,

Strip my home of purity?

Who gave you permission to invade my life?

Prancing in there like you never left

What chutzpa you have to waltz in

And then out, ever so casually

Without any warning or hint that you were coming

And then you leave so quickly

As if you never came.

I’m not forgetting you so fast this time,

You vicious, vile, poisonous monster

I’m gonna catch you next time

Before you come too close

And break my heart all over again


I’m powerless

Can’t block you, break you, beat you

Can’t catch you, crush you, control you

Or cure you,

And I definitely didn’t cause you

You are bigger than me

You’ll win me every time

You’ll have power over me no matter what I do.

But guess what,

You slippery, slimy, smelly sickness

Today, I have something new in my pocket

That wasn’t there before

And now, I don’t need to fight you anymore

Because what I’ve got in my pocket

Is so powerful, that it will fight FOR me

If I let

It’s called Higher Power

And He is so strong, way stronger than you,

So I don’t need to be scared of you anymore,

I don’t need to cower in the corner as you do your dirty work

All I need to do

Is reach my hand out

And acknowledge that I can’t defeat you alone

And as I turn my will and my life over to the care of G-d

I will receive new gifts

Of sobriety, serenity, dignity, and emotional growth.