Sholom Aleichem warriors,
I am a regular 15 yr old yeshiva bochur in a top yeshiva in somewhere, but have internet at home. Besides for my own problems with watching my eyes and controlling my hotzoas zera that has been with me for years, I noticed something interesting recently. I noticed my father, a heimishe guy, by the computer late at night. My curiosity got the better of me, and when noone was around, I pressed ctrl H to see history, and found out that my porn problem is inherited from him. I also noticed a secret email address that he has, so I put my hacking skills to work, and got the password from a free keylogging program. What I found was heartbreaking - a bunch of heimishe guys from shul are all a bunch of porn addicts forwarding porn around to each other! How is a 15 yr old yesiva bochur from a good home supposed to deal with this - I can't confront him, and I can't let my mother know about this - she'll divorce him! So in addition to dealing with my own shmiras einayim/bris issues, how do I deal with this without destroying my home?
I know I'm new here... but I must express how much it pains me to read this young man's post... I mean that was me 20 years ago!
"Nowheretoturn", let me tell you what I would have told myself... Get help.
Get help now.
Get help before you spiral out of control.
Get help before you get married, have children, have a job and have other people rely on your success.
Get help before you have a rough day at home or at work and call a prostitute because the internet and the lap dances don't do it for you anymore.
Get help before you hit rock bottom and feel all alone.
I'm crying for you... because I know where you will be in 20 years from now if you don't get help... Like me, blogging on GYE in a hotel room alone... trying to get through your first day (night) of sobriety with the TV blaring in the other room.
Don't be embarrassed about it... As you can tell here, it's normal... Get help, young man.
You've come to the right place.