Dear Members, the GuardUrEyes Forum is a vibrant community of Yidden determined to break the addiction and purify themselves. The amount of Teshuvah and Chizuk that goes on there every day is enough to banish the Yetzer Hara to the ends of the earth! If you haven't joined the forum yet, sign up today and begin to post a log of your struggles and progress every day.
I have known for a long time what I know today, but such is man's ability to delude himself, and it was not until last Monday that I realized that I really was addicted. Until then I made excuses, Yetzer Hora, stress, occasional lapses, etc. When I discovered last Monday that I was indulging in forbidden activities and was unable to pull away despite very important scheduled commitments that I just let lapse, I knew that I was addicted. At that point I realized that half-hearted measures would not work anymore and I am now applying everything that I have, on every level, to break this addiction.
Just a couple months ago I thought I could never get to where I am now. I've found that the feelings of "I can't" are just an illusion created by the Yetzer Hara to keep people from an earnest attempt to quit. I had those feelings at the outset, and I just ignored them. I wish you all the success in the world. Every person who joins this forum and fights makes it easier for me to win when I am tempted. Thank you!
Remember what Hashem said to Yehoshua right after Moshe Rabbeinu died. Yehoshua was about to embark on the conquest of Eretz Yisrael. And Hashem said to him (among other things): "Did I not command you, be strong and have courage, do not fear and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." So how does this apply to us? We are not conquering Eretz Yisrael. No, indeed, but we are striving to conquer our own "holy land," our own bodies. Our bodies are "occupied" by the Y"H, which must be driven out. So be strong and courageous in your battle with the Y"H, and remember that this is Hashem's battle!
B"H on all fronts things are really quite good. I find that my desires are not as strong as they were in the beginning. I am just waiting for the y'h to kick up his heels and try to trap me. I now have some new ways to avoid his traps, thanks to GUE. For instance, today I had a really late start and started to get upset and anxious over it. A perfect way to escape into the internet. But B'H I pushed myself and was able to get into a much better frame of mind. It was harder than I thought, but the minute I made up my mind not to give in, the positive energy I created within my neshema multiplied.
Keep building your foundation of success. Each day of success is one more solid brick you are using to build a mansion that is you. A big beautiful home filled with shalom bayis and bracha after bracha. Each clean day makes me feel that much closer to my wife and kids, and therefore closer to Hashem. I think that all he (Hashem) really wants us to do is to use our minds and bodies as a means of getting closer and more in touch with our true selves, thus enabling a better and closer relationship with Hashem. It's so hard and painful at times to overcome past experiences that influence us today. But this is the life Hashem has given us to live, each one special and tailored, made for us and only us. We have the power within ourselves to reach levels of kedusha we never dreamed we could. Just by being on GUE, you have already reached a new level of kedusha!