What about Disclosure during Shidduchim?

Disclosure – the only choice for an addict.

by GYE Member (See all authors)

Someone wrote to GYE:

I have been sober for almost ten months, Baruch Hashem, and I have been attending SA meetings for almost a year. I got permission from my addiction therapist to begin dating at six months of sobriety, and I began a few months ago, right after Succos. On my fourth girl, it got to a point where I needed to disclose, as per instructions from rabbis and therapist. The girl ended up rejecting me because of this.

Obviously, this isn’t the girl who I’m supposed to marry, but moving forward, I wanted to know if you could help me get in touch with other bachurim or rabbanim who have experience in this unique issue of disclosing. I am surely going to disclose because I want to continue going to meetings after marriage, so NOT DISCLOSING IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME. But, if there's someone out there who could help me in how and when and to suggest an approach in how to present this delicate issue, I would appreciate it.

Thanks,

After giving him some advice and guidance by phone he wrote back about a month later:

Thank you for your help. I ended up disclosing and, im yirtzah hashem, I will be engaged to this girl in a couple of weeks. Baruch Hashem! I’ve been in SA for over a year; and I picked my 11 month sobriety chip over the weekend. If there's anyway I could be of service to anyone as a sponsor or in a similar vein, please let me know and I’d love to help.