Saturday, 31 December 2011

We Need to Suffer

by Dov (See all authors)

As far as I have experienced, I do not get any better (at all) by staying sober, alone. Rather, I needed to suffer as a result of being sober. Then in coming through that with Hashem's help, I came to see what it really was: I was using the lust to escape from facing myself. And actually, though it feels otherwise to "crazy me" at the time, the suffering has nothing to do with the sobriety at all! I was suffering all along but never felt it till my drug was taken away... (Now if that's not wickedly deep, I don't know what is).

This might only be true for me, but somehow - I doubt it.

I am an addict. I tend toward nuttiness and dis-proportionality, generally. I consider whatever sanity I have as rather accidental on my part, a gift on Hashem's part.

(I am saying 'I' too often. Uh-oh....)