Wednesday, 11 January 2012

The Root of this Addiction

by Elya (See all authors)

This addiction is rarely a Shalom Bayis issue. It is usually an abuse and trauma issue that happens during childhood where a person feels abandoned. Yetzer Horoh or not, once a person looks at this stuff it becomes addictive, and no amount of learning Torah is going to fix it until a person admits he is powerless and comes out of isolation and into a group where he can express his shame and guilt and free himself. I've spoken with hundreds of Bnei Torah and when I delve into their pasts, almost without exception, there is abuse or trauma or abandonment involved. It is not the wives fault that her husband is looking elsewhere, it is his problem... and then it affects their Shalom Bayis (if the wives are even being told). This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful and just like we put up gedorim to protect ourselves from doing more serious aveiros, we have to put up fences here.