Monday, 19 December 2011

Self-Will is our Greatest Enemy

by Dov (See all authors)

When lust 'strikes', it is to be expected that not listening to our desire will seem a very stupid option, indeed. Stupid, and truly not at all in our best interest (as it is felt right then).

As long as we cling to self-will, it will be impossible to listen to that voice that says, "NOOOO! Don't do it!" because it seems really stupid to us: "You mean, the program is telling me to be an idiot?!"

This was and still is my experience with surrendering lust. At some point, it just seems stupid - "what is the freaking big deal about just looking and enjoying that leg, already!?" And that is the point at which I need to live with the 12 steps. Above all else, they are ego-busters.

This is why I believe the AAs are really onto something when they say that ego - "self-will" that is, is our greatest enemy in freedom from lust. Our ego is our self-sense, the very thing that tells us what is in our best interest or isn't. Recovery tells us not to believe our own self-will! Crazy! ... but we truly have no other option, it seems. (There are those who cling to Rationality here but that has not been my experience so I have nothing to say about it.) And BTW, I also feel this is the reason that (as RMCh"L writes in Messilas Yeshorim) the middah of Anavah - humility - is the key that opens so many doors, like a single stroke that knocks many dominoes over. He therefore recommends going for anavah over any other middah, just for the economics of it all... a yid, indeed!